Funeral - The Continued Storry

Attending the funeral the last few days has given me more insight into the people of Toliara, especially after the cultural lessons I learned during my African Based Orientation a few weeks ago.

I specifically remember our ABO speaker explaining that a mediator is used to make the arrangements after the death of a family member.  It reminds me of what we would call a funeral director in the States.  This idea of a mediator is often used for important discusses among African people.  For example, if there is a dispute, rather than handling it themselves a mediator is called in to find the best solution for both parties.  I remember reading about this idea in the Missionary Biography on Mary Slessor.  She was given the privilege of mediating the people she worked with in Africa, which showed their trust of her as an authority on truth.  

In any case, it was interesting to watch the mediation take place yesterday between the pastor and the father of Orland’s family.  Rather than the pastor doing all the talking one of the members took the news to the Father.  Now, things in Mada are often different than on the big continent of Africa, so it’s possible that what I was witnessing as not a mediation but just the largest beneficiary from the church doing all the talking, since he was giving the most money (I know this because he is the only one with a car and a large business). 

On the second day of the funeral I was called to be part of another church meeting.  When I arrived the people were discussing the secondary preparations for the funeral – the burial.  The church was expected to help buy the coffin and the grave stones.  I got the impression this is not always the case but often this money comes from family and friends.  However, since Orland was a part of the church and the family sees his death as God’s responsibility they think the church should also be responsible, since after all their son is dead.  I was very thankful for the members of my church as I sat in on the meeting and listened to their wisdom in dealing with a difficult situation.  It was encouraging to know that I am a part one of the churches in Toliara that has the truth and holds to it.  Although their membership is small it is a good start.  

The first thing you should know is that here in Mada is that all the decisions are made by the men.  The women are often not even a part of the meeting and sometimes are not even told of the outcome.  This was the case of Orland’s mother.  Somehow, she had not been informed of the churches decision to give the family money the first day, but not to buy them a cow.  I think this turned into a problem because the mother was making more requests from the church not knowing they had already given money.  As a result the church was put in the place of trying to decide how to help with the mother’s new request for a coffin and the grave stones.  They couldn’t say “no” exactly because their son was dead after all, but they also needed to be wise about allowing the family to take advantage of them.  This was why we were meeting.  It is also important to note at this time, that while we had the meeting at the church the women stayed quiet and sat off to the side together.  It was interesting though because my friend Vero was very vocal, which I think comes from her years of working with foreigners, she doesn’t really follow the customs of Mada anymore, even though she knows them.  It wonder what others think of her vocalization, if they think she is out of place of if they see her “clout” and allow her to speak up with the men.   

The church members came up with the idea of totaling the sum for the coffin, the grave stones and the vehicle to transport the stones.  Then, they asked each person to write down what they felt they could contribute and put it in a hat (not everyone had brought the money with them to the meeting).  If the amount was less than needed money would be taken out of the church funds to help. Fortunately, when the amount was calculated it was enough to also get a vehicle to transport the church members to the grave site.  Knowing that people are expected to give a large funeral gift here in Mada I wasn’t surprise by how much people gave, but then again I was, because some gifts were larger than even I thought was a lot for myself to give as the “rich foreigner” and on top of that the church members had already given money towards the first gift.  On the one had I understand giving money to the family in the case of a funeral, we give money to people’s favorite charity in the event of a death, but I also know the people of Mada are poor and they often given more than they can because it is expected and then they can’t feed themselves in the weeks to come. 

In any case I was also impressed with the church members because the meeting was about more than helping the family financially.  The members also discussed that Orland was the only Christian in the family.  During this difficult time the church members suggested that they make sure to look out for the family in the future making sure to visit them and encouragement in hopes of seeing them one day come to Christ.  I was impressed and blessed to hear the Kingdom focus of the church members.   

What was interesting is that the church members asked me not to come along when they gave the money and even to stay away from the funeral.  My Malagasy host mama was quiet shocked by this until I explained that